The Sex Diaries #1: How to Know What You Like During Sex

Perhaps the first thing you should ask yourself before engaging in sexual activity and opening yourself up, quite literally, to love and sex, is finding out what you like during sex.

The Sex Diaries #1: How to Know What You Like During Sex
Photo by Taras Chernus / Unsplash
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Welcome to 'The Sex Diaries', a series about sex where we'll be discussing matters relating to sex and how to ultimately live a better sex life both physically, spiritually, and emotionally. For The Sex Diaries #1, we'll look into how to know what you like during sex.

Disclaimer: This post is intended for mature audiences only. If you are below 18 years of age it may not be befitting to read it. 

How to Know What You Like During Sex

Perhaps the first thing you should ask yourself before engaging in sexual activity and opening yourself up, quite literally, to love and sex, is finding out what you like during sex. This question came up after watching a documentary by DW that looked into Sex and Ageing. You can watch it below.

In the video, one of the women says that she discovered what she likes during sex past her forties. I thought that was quite unfortunate as it means that she missed out on more than 4 decades of pure blissful sex. The Sex Diaries, therefore, is my attempt to help you avoid that. Be sure to watch the documentary for context and it is courtesy of DW.

Finding Yourself Emotionally First

Nobody teaches you this but the very first thing you need to do before activating your sex life is to go through the fodder of your emotions and resolve any issues that may be therein. For instance, maybe you have trust issues and cannot emotionally let someone in. In this case, you will not be able to enjoy blissful and emotionally open, and trusting sex if you don't deal with your emotional issues.

The Physical Side of Sex

Loving Yourself and Your Body

After dealing with the emotional side of things, you now need to deal with the physical side of things. You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself and to love and appreciate your body. We are often stuck in this crazy loop of oh, does my body look good? Is my tummy too big?

This is especially true for the ladies and I am here to tell you that no guy is worried about your tummy when you two are having sex. The tummy is way off what they are thinking about; they want the flower and that's all they are thinking about at that moment. Therefore, do yourself a favor and lock out those inquisitions and doubts about your body.

Accepting Yourself

In the DW documentary, a specialist says that older people and older women are better poised to have better sex and love themselves more, as people tend to accept themselves more as they age. To me, that was very fascinating and brought up the question... Why wait till I am older to love and accept myself and my body? Why not do it now? I ask the same to you... Why wait til you're older to love and accept your body?

Why is it Important to Accept Yourself and Your Body?

Accepting yourself and your body allows you to be more open during sex. You are comfortable in your own skin and when this is the case, you tend to portray that to your partner. In turn, if you are uncomfortable and do not love yourself or accept your body, your partner will feel this and it may affect how they love and accept your body as well. The idea behind this is that we project what we believe is true about ourselves. If we think we are beautiful and have such beautiful bodies, this is what we project to others and is what they'll tend to feel and appreciate as well, and vice versa.

Experimenting as a Way to Know What You Like During Sex

Learning what you like during sex is like being at the ice cream shop and tasting a few flavors until you find what you like. As such, the best way to find what you like is to try a few things. The way to go about this is to experiment little by little and to have precautions, such as a safe word, to help you get yourself out of a situation or sex style or position you don't like.

A woman with her hands handcuffed behind and wearing a short
Sometimes you need to experiment to learn what you like during sex. Photo by Artem Labunsky / Unsplash

For instance, in the DW documentary, one of the older couples said that they experimented with going to clubs. The two agreed to try it out and if they didn't like it, they would just go home and forget about clubs. They, however, did like it and they said that when they are there, and each of them sees other people interested in their partners, it kind of turns them on and they feel that they are lucky to be with someone who is so attractive. This being wanted or found fascinating by others increased their wanting one another and I think that is a beautiful thing.

The Spirituality of Sex

Contrary to popular belief, sex has a whole spiritual side that is part of the multi-dimensional nature of sex. Sex has an emotional, physical, and spiritual side. For the spiritual side, it is more inclined towards tying it in with spirituality and mindfulness; a good example is tantric sex.

Tantric Sex

Tantric sex is non-penetrative sex where the two individuals sit facing one another and explore the spirituality of their connection, and foster a connectedness that not only arouses them sexually but also reaches them to the orgasmic state. Yes. You can have orgasms without penetrative sex. Tantric sex doesn't just happen, however, and it takes a little bit of learning and tapping into your spiritual side.

A photo of a couple showing the man's back with a woman holding him
Sex doesn't always have to be penetrative. It can also be tantric and far emotionally in sync. Photo by Dainis Graveris / Unsplash

The Emotional Side of Sex

Emotional Connectedness and Fostering an Emotional Connection with Your Partner

A huge part of experiencing the spiritual side of sex is creating emotional connectedness and fostering an emotional connection with your partner. How do you do this you ask... You do this by being in love with your partner and having a love connection or an affection for one another that opens up your emotional side to them, and theirs to you. This is the reason why you hear that sex is far much better and sweeter when you are in love.

Is Sex Sweeter When You're in Love?

Hell yeah. Sex is a million times sweeter when you are in love. That is the reason why it is wise to always wait to love someone before you can have sex with them. I know this can be a little tricky as you want to open yourself up to someone you like, but if you're lucky and happen to fall in love with them before you have sex, then you'll enjoy some bomb sex, trust me.

Preparing Yourself for Your Best Sex

Once you've done the work and found out what you like during sex, you should then go on to prepare yourself for your best sex. This is a multi-dimensional activity and you do this by preparing yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For instance, I can prepare myself for my best sex by first taking a shower before sex, and by ensuring that where I and my partner will be having sex is well-scented, moderately lit and that there's everything we need, be it condoms, lubes, a towel, etc.

a cozy boho room decor with candles and string lights
A cozy bed in a well-scented and moderately-lit room creates the perfect environment for some life-changing sex. Photo by Shashi Chaturvedula / Unsplash

Preparing Yourself Emotionally and Spiritually for Your Best Sex

I can also prepare myself emotionally by ensuring that my energy and mood are right. I can do this by listening to music I love or watching a romance movie. I can also prepare myself spiritually by doing a yoga session or some meditation beforehand. These activities should be things you always do over time so that you get better at them and draw greater benefits in the long term.

That is it for The Sex Diaries #1. Let us know if you would like us to talk more about this topic and what you think about the series.

Before I forget, HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY to all the beautiful ladies who read and support Mania Inc. We Love You!!!

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