Why What You Want Now is More Important than What You 'Should' Want or What You Wanted in the Past

In life, there are ups and downs and the importance of these is that we get to learn how to approach life differently.

Why What You Want Now is More Important than What You 'Should' Want or What You Wanted in the Past
Photo by Mahdi Bafande / Unsplash

We want a lot in life but we also do change what we want a lot too. I'm here to tell you that it is okay to want what you want now and that it is more important than what you're told or think you should want, or what you wanted in the past. Life is a journey and part of it is shifting your wants, as per your situation, and wanting something entirely different and that is okay.

Why It is More Important to Want What You Want Now than What You Should Want - The Case of Marriage

As a young man, a 25-year-old, I am told that I should want marriage and to settle down. For a while, in my early twenties, I did want that. The one I wanted to marry, however, didn't want to, and going through that epic heartbreak, in a way, changed what I wanted. Today, I do not want marriage and when I say I do not want it, I mean in the short-to-near term.

When Will I Get Married and Why I Don't Want to Do it Right Now?

Marriage for me is something that I'll probably do in my early to mid-thirties; not because I do not want it at all but because I do not want it now. I know marriage pressure is very real cause I have felt it. However, to preserve my peace and to give myself a chance to grow into the man I want to be first, I do not want marriage right now. Read more on marriage pressure below.

Marriage Pressure: Why Women Especially Feel Heavily Pressured to Get Married
Personally, I’ve felt marriage pressure especially as my dad and brother both got married at 24 and I’m now 24 with no idea if I’m gonna get married or even to whom.

Religious Conditioning and Its Instructions for Marriage

To some, that may sound very strange and uncouth. Some may even say that a man who is 25 years old should be looking for a wife. That could be true but for me, that sounds just like religious and moral conditioning at play. Your religious conditioning i.e, what you were taught to want in your religion, or your moral conditioning could be what is instructing you to want to wed and to do it at a certain age.

Why It is More Important to Want What You Want Right Now than What You Wanted in the Past

In life, there are ups and downs and the importance of these is that we get to learn how to approach life differently; and what we can do to better our chances of a happier and more prosperous life. As such, like in my own example, when I wanted a wife and my relationship failed, then I learned that it is crucial that I take my time and ensure I do it right. What I would not want is to rush into marriage and then have it break shortly after.

Why It is Important to Take Your Time

As such, I am keen to and will take my time, find the right partner (one who also feels it is the right time for them), and then entertain the idea that we could get married. Before then, however, I will not go that way because, to be honest, it is not what I want. It is very important to take your time with everything and ensure that you follow your instincts and your gut in such important matters as marriage.

The Importance of Not Making Life-Altering Decisions in Your Twenties that You May Regret Later

You should also be very careful not to make life-altering decisions in your twenties and put yourself in situations you'll regret later in life. For instance, you could hurriedly get married in your early twenties and have kids, but on getting to your thirties, quickly regret your decisions and end up with a divorce. This could not only be detrimental to your own life and health but that of your kids. Think about that.

Live Your Today Today

Even more, if you do not live and enjoy your twenties to the fullest, you may end up as a thirty-year-old doing the things they could have done in their twenties. No one wants to be thirty and club hopping, chasing skirts, and smoking pot like a twenty-something-year-old. Rather live your twenties now, get done with them, and then plan and settle down in your thirties. Be you and do you. As for me, I cannot conform and will do what I want, when I want.

"I cannot conform". - Kendrick Lamar (Purple Hearts)

Avoiding an Upside-Down Life

Like in the Netflix Series Stranger Things, the 'upside down' is the other dark side of the world. In this context, it is a metaphor for a life lived upside down; with you doing what you could have done in your thirties in your twenties and doing in your thirties what you could, and even should have, done in your twenties.

What if Someone Wants to be Polygamous?

The other thing that I do not want is to not consider polygamy due to societal and religious pressures to marry only one wife. I am an African man and as history has shown us, there is reason to believe that men, and African men to be precise, are polygamous by nature.

Are African Men Polygamous by Nature?

In my humble opinion, Yes. African men are polygamous by nature. And personally, as an African man, I feel that I am polygamous and it feels natural to me. That may sound so wrong to you thanks to the religious conditioning that you have gone through all your life. Respectfully, your religion has fed you with a lot of ideas on what marriage should be, but I think it's time that you decided for yourself.

Deciding Your Own Fate and What You Want and Not Letting Religion or Society Decide for You

I think we should all take the liberty to decide our own fate and what we want and not necessarily let religion or societal norms decide that for us. If you want to be rich, for example, go on and be super rich. Religion and society may tell you that money is evil but the truth is it is not. You may ask, Does Money Buy Happiness? And I am here to tell you it does. Yes. Money buys happiness albeit to an extent. Read more below.

Wealth and Happiness: Does Money Make You Happy?
Does being wealthy necessarily translate to being happy? Can you buy a ticket to happiness just because you are rich? Doesn’t money make you happy?

Your Wants are Valid

In that same breath, I will not let religion, morality, or societal norms tell me whether I should marry multiple wives or not. I will preserve that choice for myself and only myself. I will also not let religion or social norms decide my fate and will decide it for myself. To me, that is what I want right now and I know and believe that my wants are valid. They are mine after all, and I'll be the one to suffer the consequences of my decisions.

Taking the Pleasure with the Pain

Most times we want to hear that life is a journey of joy and should be without pain. However, I think we should take the pleasure of it together with its pain. There is pain in life and everyone who lives feels pain. It is mostly the elephant in the room and the starkest tenet of the human condition. As such, whatever you do in life, expect, respect, and persevere through the pain. As the saying goes... no pain, no gain.

Why Want You Wanted in the Past Doesn't Matter

Like a flowing river, life is never a straight line. As such, what you wanted as a kid is more likely than not, to change when you grow up. Even more, what you wanted last year could be totally different from what you want this year. Maybe your New Year's Resolution for 2022 was to buy a car and dress more officially. However, we are now in 2023 and maybe you got what you wanted or didn't.

The Importance of Wanting Long-Term and Meaningful Things

Your 2023 New Year's Resolutions could be something entirely different, like improving your communication skills. To me, something that improves your life long-term is more valuable as a want rather than something temporary or short-term. Even so, you have every right to want what you want now, and not what you wanted in the past. Maybe this year you don't want a car and feel like you should dress however you want. You have every right to.